Dealing with Needy Parents as a College Student

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Homesickness affects a lot of college students when they first leave for college, even those who didn’t think they’d miss home at all. But moving away — and then suddenly being bombarded with the chaos of class registration, meeting your roommate and just finding your way around campus — is definitely a transition, even if your homesickness disappears after the first week or two. Students aren’t the only ones who have to adapt though. Parents have raised you for 18 years, and then one day they’ve got to say goodbye, more than likely never having you at home again except for holiday breaks and vacations. Some parents might weep on the way home and send e-mails and care packages frequently through the first year — until they start rejoicing in their own newfound freedom. But other parents simply can’t let go, and that means trouble for students and even residential life staff.

If you’ve got a needy parent, you may be putting up with anything from daily phone calls just to say "hi" to a parent who’s calling residential life every time you mention you have a cold or a fight with your roommate. It can be difficult to trust your parent to allow you to work things out for yourself before they jump onto parent forums or even drive up to campus to take your temperature. And they’re constant fussing and attention might even interfere with your studying and social life. When you’re more annoyed than happy to hear from your parents, you’ve got to stage an intervention. Don’t pick up the phone and yell at your parent to leave you alone when you’re in the middle of a study group; instead, schedule a phone call to gently ask your parents to give you a little more independence. Use your schoolwork as an excuse if you’re too afraid of hurting their feelings.

Your needy parents might be glad to schedule phone calls with you, giving them something to look forward to without badgering all week long. Make an effort to send emails and a few photos each week, too. Encourage your parents to hang out with friends, go on weekend trips together, and pick up a new hobby now that they have more free time and less day-to-day responsibility keeping up with you. They’ll soon transition to their emptier home, just as you figured out how to fit in with your new friends.

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